5 Pieces of Advice Every Man Needs to Hear

Embracing your authentic self in a world that’s constantly pulling you in different directions.

It’s all about owning who you are in a world that is trying to pull you in all sorts of directions. Today’s world is not simple, whether you are a man or a woman. But men are given messages that are often contradictory, are put under social pressures and expectations by society, and even from within themselves. This aspect is more visible on the women’s side rather than the men’s, but it exists in both men and women who deal with this pressure. Many times, the direction we are told to go does not align with who we really are. This leads to confusion, frustration, and a sense of isolation. Yet, sometimes, we just need someone to give us permission to slow down mentally, to be contemplative, and just be, just exist.

Here are five pieces of guidance that do not acknowledge the challenges men face today, but many times will provide a light to rediscovery and be a guide to take action from a place of insight, respect, and genuine self.

1.Be Yourself

You know, some of the tricks – like expectations and appearances – can be pretty tough to overcome. But ultimately, the most powerful thing you can do is be yourself. Once again, men are told to change into something that isn’t. Whether that is to be tough, unemotional, try to achieve the most, or be a romantic idealist, they have a lot of pressure to fit into these roles. But the reality is that no matter how ‘well’ you wear a mask, it will eventually crack, and you’ll end up being your true self. Even an actor plays a role until a certain moment and then returns to himself.

It’s not about perfection – it’s simply about being real to who you are. If you’re a man who likes to be alone, then don’t pretend you enjoy being around a lot of people. If you’re a man that is emotionally thoughtful, don’t try to rationalize your feelings just to fit into what the old world said men are supposed to be. Stop comparison-ing, realize what makes you unique, and embrace it. There is power in it being real, and that’s what respect and self-love is built on. Just to expand something for you to think about – life is long enough that the truth will eventually emerge. Why not embrace it from the start?

2. Respect Women and Show It Through Your Manners

I think it’s important to take a minute to define the term respect. Way too often, respect is only thought of positively for authority figures or people we are afraid of, respect is expected to be understood or feared, and we miss the mark. Respect should resonate and be felt continuously, in every experience we have, especially when you are around a woman, for example, remember: she’s somebody’s mother, somebody’s sister, somebody’s daughter…and how would that feel if you were in her position, treated poorly or disrespected? And decent manners are more than just manners; they’re a silent yet powerful way to show respect. When a guy opens a door for a woman, he isn’t opening the door for her because she can’t – she’s certainly capable; men and women are not the same (obviously).

The man has learned that his strength is not just a physical characteristic, but the fact that he can learn and understand, and build people up (others). The woman, like every other woman crazy strong mentally and emotionally in ways you’ll never truly know, women and men have a way of working together to “ballance” each other out, and obviously as mentioned, they could be thought of as opposites- no female would not be able to live up to the same expectations- when really they can. Either way, it’s about respect. And respect is, and I don’t mean this in any derogatory way, we “need” respect on both sides. When the woman can respect the man, and the man can respect the woman, and the key here is that the relationship should encourage and grow an atmosphere of trust, positivity, and connection, for the benefit of both. Respect can also lead to trust and both parties would care, developing a real understanding; thus providing a hearing to be true, on both sides. What holds any relationship (not just romantic) together is basic respect.

3. Be Honest With Yourself

While it may appear on the surface to be quite simple, this one principle establishes the foundation of every worthwhile relationship and the evolution of the self. Most men spend a lifetime doing everything that they can to conform to the paradigms and expectations of their peers, whether that be career aspirations, social stature, or even appearances or how they should conduct themselves in relationships. True evolution comes from the idea of self-reflection in order to ask oneself the hard questions: Who am I? What do I really need? Or what is it that I want?

Most of the time, you want one thing, but you actually need another thing, and we operators of this premise confuse and misidentify these two things as one. For instance, you may want a high-maintenance, rowdy, and loud partner because such a person is exciting, full of energy, and fun, but what you actually need is someone who will complement your quieter, more introverted self. To understand the difference between what you want and what you actually need takes self-examination and deep reflection. Take time to sit with your thoughts. Ask yourself: What brings me peace? What gives me energy? What drains me? You may desire or need things that don’t align with your current situation, but giving yourself the permission to be honest helps you to make choices that resonate with your true self fully.

4. Stop Chasing the Future—Be Present

In the madness of life today, it can be easy to forget where you are, focused on what’s next: the next promotion, the next partner, the next goal; however, many times we forget that life is not created in the next big thing; life is created in the now. This second is the only guarantee that you have; the second that just passed is the past, the second that will come it’s the future. You don’t know if you will have it or not..There is power in the present moment.

One big shift you can create is simply breathing and being in the moment. Just think about it: the past is gone, the future hasn’t happened, and all you really own is now. The more you practice being present in now and here, the more you will see that everything you want for the future can only be created in the present. As Paulo Coelho said: “The future you build is made in the present, with the lessons of the past” and there is a great truth. You’re choices today are impacting what tomorrow looks like and being present means you give yourself a chance to shape your own life. So take a moment, breathe, slow down, and accept what you are now. It may not be perfect, but it is real. Is NOW.

5. Embrace Life’s Uncertainty

I know that it can be difficult and uncomfortable. Modern men bear great pressure to “have it figured it out”. Whether it be a perfect job, a perfect relationship, or a thought-out plan. The pressure to fall into one of these categories is not realistic nor safe. Life is not a line; it is chaotic, uncertain, and often filled with doubt! It’s ok to feel a little lost at some points along the road. Not knowing which way to go or how to go is perfectly acceptable but what is not acceptable is to quit or to stop trying. And neither for a second think that it is acceptable to play the victim role because it’s easier. Life is going to be a lot about living in uncertainty and navigating our way through choices. Embrace the messiness of life! This is where the learning and the growth take place, where self-awareness emerges, and where resilience begins to build. Men are told to “just figure it out!” and “just do it!” and while there’s certainly validity to those statements, they can sometimes ignore the emotional/psychological complexity men experience today. Don’t be afraid to recognize that things may seem confusing. Don’t be afraid to take a moment to ask yourself, “What do I need in this moment?”. Don’t be afraid to just stop for a minute and discuss with yourself.

These 5 advice aren’t intended to help you be a better man to society; these are just 5 tips to help you be a better overall man to yourself. Today, there is no lack of ways in which your time and energy can be sucked away. Being bombarded by so many distractions can sometimes mean your own true self is forgotten. But the fact is, your greatest opportunity for success can simply be to accept who you are as a person, respect the people you are with, and then live in the moment you have right in front of you. Sometimes it’s not always that easy and you may look to the future and find it overwhelming and you don’t know which way to turn – but you are not alone. There are millions of men just like you, confused, doubting themselves, and struggling. What you need to do at times like that is trust yourself; know that if you make a choice from the direction of being true and authentic to who you are and that is the right direction. If you ever feel overwhelmed or unsure of what is to come, remember – you don’t have to know all the answers right now. You can take your time and you have to find it all out, one step at a time.

If you need any other support and help, please visit my site at Zalaxmi.com, I have a lot of tools and resources available to you there for your journey.

Valentina C.